Terribly Awful Very Bad Trials

I am not pregnant. I haven't been able to get pregnant for four and a half years. I have cried so many tears that the Pacific Ocean has nothing on me. I have prayed and pleaded with the Lord so many times, that sometimes the sincerity seems like vain repetition. I have gone through anger, grief, and loss. Infertility seems like a death sometimes. It represents the giving up of life-long dreams and replacing them with other dreams. It is a topic that I had a hard time opening up with and it sent me into a whirlwind of depression. I saw the world in black and blacker, except when I saw my husband or my Lincoln.

Then the world changed when we adopted Henry. A part of my heart healed instantly as I held him the first time. He was a perfect and beautiful piece of heaven.

As I look back on the trial of infertility, I wonder why it was I didn't talk to more people about it? Was it because I felt alone? partly. Was it because I had to keep my image of always being a happy person? mostly. Was it because it meant that my body was inferior? nope, but it felt like that. Was it because tears were only one thought away? yes.


WHY DON'T WE ASK FOR HELP WHEN WE DESPERATELY NEED IT?


I WISH I HAD ASKED FOR MORE OPINIONS ON MOTHER'S GUILT SHORTLY AFTER I HAD MY FIRST PERFECT BABY, AND FELT INCREDIBLY ALONE.

I WISH I HAD ASKED FOR MORE SUPPORT ON POTTY TRAINING.

My point is, I wished I had asked for more help during the Terrible Awful Very Bad Trying Times.

I love this Mom Blog, because it allows us the opportunity to ask for help, and get lots of opinions. I love that we can disagree on methods and share them in a safe-risk environment.

Here's To Continued asking for more help
Tuesdays in Tucson,
Brandi

My New Life

I love this video! It is a reminder of what an incredible gift motherhood is. In the words of Stephanie Nielson, "I am not my body". Although my body is good, I am not limited to what my physical body is capable of. As a mother, I am so much more.

Pearly Whites

My baby is teething. Her gums are so red and swollen. Last night she woke up several times shaking and crying. I saw her top tooth poke through the gums last week, but then it disappeared again. I believe we get our teeth when we are babies so that we can't remember the pain. It looks so painful. She is handling the pain like a champ, but I wish there was something more I could do to comfort her.

How do you help your infant deal with teething pain?

Recalls

(Saturday's post)

There have been several baby recalls lately, so I just wanted to post a link to a list. Check it out and make sure you return your recalled items. May be a good chance to upgrade...

2010 Baby Recalls

Secondhand Stuff

We all know having a baby can be very expensive, so any way we can save money is a great idea to me. I am all for buying things secondhand, but where and how? We bought some of the basics like our pack 'n play, stroller, high chair, swing, and bouncer brand new. However, I see amazing deals on Craigslist all the time for those things for a fraction of the retail price. A friend of mine researched and found exactly which products she wanted and searched craigslist every few days until those items became available. You've got about 9 months to shop before the baby actually arrives, in most cases.

Another great place to find deals is thrift stores. I bought Sara a slide for $12.50 at Goodwill and it's one of her favorite things. Thrift stores can really be hit or miss, but sometimes you get lucky. Also, talk to your neighbors and friends who have children. They may have items their kids have grown out of and need a new home. We got a crib (thanks Jenn) and changing table (thanks Heather) from some friends who weren't planning to have any more kids. They were generous enough to pass them along to us for free!

When we were living in Nebraska, I really wanted to get an exersaucer, but they were just too expensive. I'd tried looking at thrift stores and baby consignment shops, but we just couldn't afford one. As I was leaving my apartment complex one day, I noticed an exersaucer sitting next to the dumpster waiting to be taken out with the trash. Well, I snatched that baby up and took it home. A little Clorox and a good scrubbing and it was practically brand new. (One of those tender mercies for us)

What are your great finds? Where do you shop for secondhand items for your kids?

Sense of Humor

This week I got into some heated debates about politics. My emotions don't run high as related to politics, but I am not easily swayed from what I believe; no matter how loud someone else yells. That being said, one of the criticisms given to me was that I had no sense of humor. This made me laugh, because I consider sense of humor a necessity when raising children. My kids make me laugh every day. When we read together at night time or pray together, it is often done by singing the words or saying them in a funny voice while dancing-- in order to hold the attention span just a moment longer than normally possible.

In addition, poop has become quite a funny topic at our house (our household being three boys and one girl, I think we are doomed by how funny poop is) That being said:

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH EVERYDAY? WHAT DO YOUR KIDS DO THAT KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR FRESH?

My four year old makes me laugh when he asks: You know how much i love you Mama?" "How much?" I respond. "More than all the city of Arizona, in the whole universe, in the entire world. More than all the city of Gotham."

My two year old makes me laugh when I turn to look at him at the same time he is about to push over an unsuspecting two year old and he quickly changes his course of action saying, "I give baby a hug." This repeats over and over.

My home is full of laughter. I don't know if that qualifies me for a sense of humor, but if it doesn't than I want a refund.

Trying to sense humor
Tuesdays in Tucson,
Brandi

My Kid's Smarter Than Your Kid

Karen is on a little trip and her internet connection is not cooperating, so she asked me to post this for her...

Do you ever feel like parents are constantly quizzing their kids in public as if to show the world how smart their kid is?

I do! It's one thing to be teaching your child about colors and asking her at a restaurant what color her cup is or what color the vegetables are. But I've recently noticed parents asking their children all sorts of questions that seem to be for no reason other than to show how smart their kid is.

Granted, I think every parent probably thinks their kid is the smartest. I mean, seriously, Sara can already say over 100 words, count to 4, do all her animal sounds, and identify the colors yellow, pink, black, and blue, and she's not even 2. But that doesn't mean I'm going to quiz her every chance I get. Intellectual development, I think, is something that varies from child to child. You don't see 5 year olds going to school with pacifiers and you don't see 20 year olds learning their ABCs. They will learn the things they need to know and with a little guidance and direction, they can be prepared for Preschool or Kindergarten. But please, stop quizzing your kid just to show they are smarter than mine, because chances are...they're not!

See You Again

Nearly three weeks ago, my dear friend's 6 year old daughter passed away and returned to live with her Father in Heaven. Katie was, and still is, a sweet spirit; a spirit special in God's eyes. She was sent to earth to obtain her mortal body in such a way that she could not be tempted by this world, and then returned to her Heavenly Father as pure as she came. She touched innumerable lives, and I know that while on this earth she held hands with Him.

Click here to read more about Katie and her family.

I was nine the first time I experienced the death of a loved one, but I was 17 the first time I experienced the death of someone I knew that was my age. Death was confusing to me then and, even now, I struggle to assimilate the emotions I felt during that time of innocence and ignorance into a coherent sentence that would adequately convey the seed it planted for me as a parent to ensure my children would be, could be, prepared to face the death of a loved one, let alone a friend their own age. With Katie, part of me always thought that I would have time to prepare my children for her passing. Though that time was not afforded, looking back I wonder if preparedness would have ever been possible.

How do you talk to your children about death?

Thankfully, my faith is sustained by the knowledge that life is more than just our time on earth. I believe that before I was born, I knew Him and He knew me. In addition, after this life, I know I will be welcomed into my Heavenly Father's presence and will rejoice with Him once again. My husband and I teach these principles to our children and each of them were able to find comfort in knowing our Heavenly Father's great plan of happiness. We chose to honor Katie at her time of passing and celebrate her life instead of mourn her death. We are sad, and some days hurt more than others, but we know that she ran for the first time into the arms of her Savior; that she sings and dances and continues to laugh and smile. And one day we will see her again.

Eat or Starve

If it were up to Sara, she would have cereal 3 meals a day. Which, until dinner tonight, she had actually had cereal for 3 consecutive meals. She is over the whole finger food stage and now eats really well with a fork and spoon, but isn't as adventurous as she used to be. She doesn't like to try new things and I'm running out of ideas. I cook meals for Cameron and I, but continue to give her what she'll eat: hot dogs, noodles, PB&J, cereal, oatmeal, lunchables...

At what age can you really give your kid the option: Eat this or don't eat anything at all? And what are some tricks to getting your kid to eat new things?

Other Mothers

My four year old starts pre-school in two weeks. He is academically ready. He can count to 100. He is great at addition and subtraction, following directions, reading, creating stories, coloring, chains-of-events, comprehension, prediction, and all in all just one smart cookie. I have been very blessed as his mother to watch him grow.

Sometimes when I see older kids making poor decisions I get nervous, because it is really hard for me to imagine my kids growing up and doing down right naughty things; aside from stealing their brother's toy or something of the sort. Now, I am not a rose-colored-glasses mom, and I know that things will happen. But, the hardest thing is, I won't always be there. I won't be the only one responsible for teaching them the things they need to learn to be great citizens. I believe my role as Mother is to teach, love, nurture, and guide them, but I also realize others will play a part. I dread the part of this where others discipline my kids.

HOW DO I ALLOW OTHERS TO DO THIS WITHOUT BEING THE HELICOPTER MOM WHO HOVERS OVER EVERYTHING THEY DO? WHAT IF I DON'T LIKE THE DISCIPLINE TECHNIQUES OF THEIR TEACHERS?

Most people have told me I just have to deal with it.

Any ideas?

Tuesdays in Tucson
Anxious about Other Mothers,
Brandi