I have the most amazing book. It is hysterical, and it has provided some of the funniest parenting moments. Everytime I think about it, it makes me giggle. It is called "Disrupting the Disruptor." Its purpose as a creation was to help school find a general way to disrupt the disruptors in the classroom, without having to yell, scream, and argue with students. I have found it incredible useful as a mother.
These are a few examples of how you can use the system:
Child #1: Child disrupts by unruly behavior (for instance the kids are arguing, engaging you in a power struggle/ tattle-telling)
Child #2: Child disrupts by not participating (won't help in family activity/doesn't want to be at home)
Scenario: child has started an argument with sibling
Mom says: "Child's name" can you go find the green hammer?
Child #1: the what?
Mom: Right. You got it! Go ahead and hop, skip, and jump to get it. We'll need it for dinner.
Child #1: Mom, it's breakfast time and what's a green hammer?
Mom: Oh, and the orange gibble.
Child #1: You're crazy.
Mom: What was in that ramen pack I ate for breakfast?
Scenario: My brother did not want to spend time at home as a teenager.
My Mom to my brother who didn't spend a lot of time at home: Hey soldier!!!
Brother: Oh great here we go again.
Mom: Hey Soldier, can you go ask Celinda for the left handed wrench?
child #2: huh?
Mom: Tell her we really need it.
child #2: Mom, you are crazy.
But, at least he was conversing with the family without a real struggle.
I have been spending the last few days with my wonderful in-laws, and there have been 11 kids here often. As you can imagine, there is a lot of tattle-telling, so all the parents here have jumped on board with the "disrupt the disruptor" theory.
My Darling Niece came in to tell us that one of the cousins hit her with the bunny. The conversation went like this:
Sister in law said, "the bunny hit you?"
Niece: "no, her son did (she pointed to me)"
Sister in Law: oh Mimi (who is mimi you ask? we still aren't sure)
Niece: no not mimi. her son (pointing to me)
Me: mimi hit her son? Oh man.
Niece: I am not playing games and she walked out.
Problem solved.
Again a darling niece comes to me to tell me something that has offended her. It went like this:
Niece: your son,
Me: (I put my hand straight up in the air)
Niece: I'm not giving you high five.
Me: was it the wheaties?
Niece: I'm not playing games with you.
She walked away. The next time she walked in the room, I put my hand straight in the air. She walked out.
I have used this on my two year old also. When he starts to throw a fit, and if we are at home, I lay by him and throw one too. He realizes that he is disrupting, and everytime --he starts to laugh. If my kids start getting whiny with, "i want juuuuiiiiccceee!" demands, I try and say exactly what they are saying at the same time. It throws them off, and then we are all laughing.
Good luck! I will post an actual example from the book whenI get home. Just remember, they think you're crazy, and that's good.
You can call Dr. Bennington and order his book. Click HERE
Tuesdays in Tucson
In Iowa,
Brandi
I laughed the whole time reading this post. Brandi I love you! I can just see you raising your hand and ticking off a little girl :) I am TOTALLY reading and using that book! :) LOVE IT!
ReplyDeleteI can see this working to a point, but I can also see this type of tactic causing a lot of frustration and then generating more "disruption" by kids who are not feeling like their feelings are being validated or listened to. It would be a very fine line in my opinion. Especially with older kids/teenagers.
ReplyDeleteLaurie, I agree. For teenagers, it is a fine line with anything you do. I have seen this work miracles in the middle school arena. I think with your own kids, you have to talk openly with them, and sometimes disrupting them might take away from their wanting to talk to you. Thanks for your input!
ReplyDelete1) Good point Laurie, I agree with you.
ReplyDelete2) Children need to learn how to lead, not be distracted with insignificant games that only lead to worse communication.
3) I happen to be the one whose mother called him "soldier". All it does is take an already difficult relationship and make it worse.
4) I see this distracting technique to be more useful with 0-10 year old children, not teens or young adults.
5) How does a child know when to talk with their parent? If their experience has taught them that their parents only throw them for a loop when they have a problem, how will the child learn to distinguish between a real problem and just a fit? In other words, the child's neuro-system learns to detect stress at a young age, the way they handle that stress is by voicing the problem. If they are always told that their problems are not worth the time of the parent, how can the child learn to handle the situation?