and I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you."
Sometimes when I think of the word 'newborn' I hear crying. There may not be a single baby in sight, but I swear I hear it. Maybe it's because my newborn had a particularly impressive cry, but nevertheless, babies do cry.
A friend of mine with a newborn recently confessed that she went to feed her baby in the middle of the night and turned the monitor down, as to not disturb her peacefully sleeping husband, only to forget to turn it back up when she returned to bed. This wonderful new mom woke up the next morning only to realize her baby must have woken up during the night and cried herself back to sleep. She felt terrible, for about 6.2 seconds until she recognized the fact that the baby did not starve and seemed to be in good spirits all things considered.
Oh if she only knew how many times we have 'accidentally' forgotten to turn the monitor back up. Just kidding. I guess my question for this post is:
At what point is it okay to just let a baby cry?
I recall one particularly difficult day(I had many) in the first few months of Sara's life. It seemed, at the time, like she never stopped crying. Even the most perfect mothers would feel flustered and frustrated at their inability to solve whatever the problem may have beeen. At the time, we lived in a 2 bedroom apartment and there was really no where to go (except 1 place) that I couldn't hear her screaming and I had just had enough. I gently put my crying babe safely in her bed, walked in to the bathroom, and took a shower. I didn't necessarily need a shower, but I felt like it was the only place I could clear my head and allow myself a few minutes of peace before returning to my little girl.
I guess I have learned through much stress, lost sleep, frustration, and angst that babies just cry sometimes. It may not be because they are hungry, tired, hot or cold. It may just be because they feel like it and that's okay. I had to tell myself that I wasn't a bad mother because my baby developed colic. It just happens sometimes and as difficult as it is, it does goes away.
Every moms level of tolerance for crying is different and every baby needs or doesn't need different things. And I know I've said this a lot and it doesn't really answer the question, but you have to do what's best for you. And if separating yourself from the situation to gain control is what you need to do, then do it. If cradling your baby in your arms and crying right along with her is what you need, then do it. If putting her in the stroller and taking her for a walk to scream outside is what you need, then do that too. Find out what works for you to help you be in control. Just remember as my doctor reminded me, no babies die from crying. Even with all the love and care in the world, sometimes all they need to do is cry.
I believe the answer to this question is different for every mom and unique to each child. I have 3 kids, and I have let them cry it out at different ages for different reasons.
ReplyDeleteKid #1 - Around 10 months. I always nursed her to sleep. If she cried when I tried to lay her down, I nursed her some more. But, one night I babysat a friends 18 month old and my baby started crying. I couldn't go to her to nurse her because I had this little kid falling asleep on my lap. My baby cried for 45 minutes and then finally fell asleep. It was a turning point for us.
Kid #2 - We let her cry it out when she was 2 years old. She gave up her binkie on her own one night. We decided we weren't going back. The first couple of nights were okay, but then she got so overly tired from staying up late and getting up early. She had given up her soothing thing and learning to self soothe without the binkie was a big change. We finally had to put her in a pack n' play in another room. We let her holler it out. After 3 or 4 nights, she was fine. She's been sleeping great ever since.
#3 - 7 months old! My husband and I were so tired. One of us seemed to always be holding or bouncing the baby. I was up every 2 to 3 hours at night nursing or holding her. We were having a hard time. So, we let her cry it out and learn how to self soothe. She was so overly tired and stimulated that it was affecting her personality, eating habits, and sleep patterns. It only took about 3 nights of crying to fall asleep, crying in the middle of the night, etc. She figured it out a lot faster than I thought. She's 10 months now, and she is happy, eating well, and sleeping through the night. We are all a lot happier.
I use the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child to help me with sleeping concerns. There seems to always be a strategy or idea to try, and they work!