Which parent gets the short end here?
The easy answer is mom, who has added responsibility while I'm away. But it's a little more complicated than that. If you are a dad who occasionally (or frequently) travels for work, you know what I mean. Missing your family is not fun.
When we had our first kid, I was still in graduate school, and time away from family was minimal. But now that I have a career, I travel about 15% of the year, which isn't much compared to some, but when I'm gone it is usually for at least a week.
When you are away from the wife and kids for more than a day or two, feelings of longing intensify. And those are often accompanied by a tinge of guilt for not being around to help out.
Honestly, I enjoy travel because I like seeing new places, trying out new restaurants and experiencing new cultures, even if they are all on native soil. To some degree, this magnifies the little bit of guilt I feel because my wife and girls aren't there to experience it with me. And while I'm enjoying crab cakes in Baltimore, barbecue in Huntsville and catfish in Lebanon (MO), mom's at home with mac'n cheese. Not fair.
Luckily, there are some things you can do while traveling to relieve the longing and assuage the guilt.
#1 That cell phone in your pocket? Use it...a lot.
Call home at least once a day, but multiple calls are better because they allow you to engage with your wife and kids throughout the course of the day. Call first thing to say good morning. Call in the afternoon, when you know they're out shopping or playing at the park. And call in the evening to say good night. If you want to score more points, call again after the kids have gone to bed to just talk to your wife. Ask her about her day, tell her about yours, tell her how much you miss her, etc. Phoning, moreso than texting, may be the best way to stay involved back home while you are away.
Advanced tip: If you carry a laptop with a webcam, arrange to visit with your family via internet at least once during your trip. Trust me, seeing your children's faces light up when they behold you through the power of the WWW is a cool experience.
#2 Send postcards
This is great for longer trips (4 days +) or those that involve visits to multiple cities. Your kids will love getting something in the mail, and you'll feel good writing to them and telling them about what you're seeing.
#3 Bring home gifts
I'm not telling you to spend a lot of money or load a suitcase full of free trade show crap. In fact, don't do that. I'm telling you to be thoughtful. This provides double impact: your kids and wife look forward to a treat when you get back, and you feel more connected to them as you think about what sorts of things to bring home. Pick up some regional foods (sauces, seasonings, chocolates) for your wife, maybe t-shirts or candy for your kids. Another idea is to bring something home that you can do together as a family. For example, in D.C. last fall I picked up an inexpensive kite at the Smithsonian Air & Space Museum. When I got home, we had a great time flying it as a family. If nothing else, a thank-you card or other small token of appreciation for your wife will go a long way.
#4 It could be worse
You think you miss your family and feel guilty about leaving them behind for a week or two? Trust me, it could be worse. An acquaintance of mine that I occasionally run into at trade shows is a Major in the U.S. Army. He missed his son's birth, saw him for two weeks soon after, then was deployed for the first year of his son's life. Yeah, folks. It could be worse.
Of course, this list isn't exhaustive, and I'm sure many of you moms (or dads) have some good tips. Share them. And tell me if you agree or disagree with my suggestions. Remember, we're all in this together.
I am pretty sure you got MAJOR bonus points for this post from your wife :) teach lessons!!! My husband will be reading this when he gets home from work :)
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