Thanks so much for your comments already. This blog will only be a success if people post their own comments and questions, so thank you!
The question for today is a controversial one. I think some moms have very strong opinions on the subject, so feel free to chime in. Just remember, what works for some may not work for others and that's okay. Also, I do have my own strong opinions on this subject (go figure) and I hope that if we disagree, we can still be friends. :)
Pacifiers: Yes or No?
So my mom is very anti-pacifier, which is fine. I tried to be anti-pacifier for as long as I possibly could. Not because I don't think it's a great idea and giving your baby something to help sooth themselves is just necessary, but I was more nervous about trying to break the habit when the time came. We chose not to give Sara a pacifier and she did fine without it. However, at about 4 months, she started to get really severe ear infections. The doctor recommended giving her a pacifier to a) help release some of the pressure in her ears and b) to help comfort her when she was in pain. We decided to follow the recommendation of the doctor and gave her a pacifier. It worked really well and seemed to help with her ears.
Still nervous about breaking the habit, we restricted the pacifier to sleep time only (except for occasionally on long road trips and on airplanes). She got the pacifier when she would go down to sleep. As soon as she woke up, I would take the pacifier out and leave it in her bed. Honestly, it has been the best thing. Now she is old enough that when I go take her out of her bed from a nap or in the morning, she takes the pacifier out and puts it in her bed. It's sort of a game for her. Also, there are a few extras pacifiers in her bed just in case she loses it during the night she can feel around for another one.
In the beginning, the pacifier would sometimes fall out when she was asleep and I would just leave it out instead of trying to put it back in. I think this helped her to not need it ALL the time when she sleeps. Sometimes now she is not even interested in having it when she goes to bed. Now here is where my strong opinions come in... how old is too old for a pacifier? It's up to you and when you feel prepared to fight that battle, but have you ever seen like a 4 year old walking around with a pacifier? Honestly, that's just sad. I get that it's going to be tough and I will only know how tough it is when we decide to take it away ourselves, but there has to be a limit. I have set my goal for 2.
So whatever you decide, consider your options. Fighting the pacifier battle ever, at 2, or having a pre-schooler walking around with a binkie in their mouth. For methods on getting rid of the pacifier... stay tuned.
3 of my 4 have had binki's. I hate it when they're newborns because it's constantly falling out at night & that's what they want to get them back to sleep. It's nice when they're a bit older & they can put it in themselves. I would rather have a binki baby than a thumb sucker any day! I've cut all my kids off before 18 months, I've cut the tip & told 'em it's broken, they hold it & try to suck on it, then throw it out themselves. It's creepy to see 3 & 4 year olds walking around with them though. I opted not to give Kyler one & he's already sleeping through the night at 2 months. Hallelujah!
ReplyDeleteThis is one question that I have certainly had. My nephews were both 4 before they would give up the binki and even then it was a fight. I am still on fence, but worry about any dental issues that may affect both tooth development and bite later on. Any thoughts/advice regarding binki use and future dental problems?
ReplyDeleteE
yeah it depends on the kid..my first was a binky lover till she was 19 months old which I think is WAY too old looking back now. She looked ridiculous. My second never liked them but also did not need them. Yeah its hard to take them away but sooo worth it. Its bad for like a week tops and then its so much nicer with out them. Good luck with sara.
ReplyDeleteI am all for the binki in the beginning. It sure helped me out in the middle of the nights when I had brand new babies and was such a zombi. I also took care of some newborns who didn't like the pacifier, and that was a little frustrating for me. But I do think there is a cut off age, our goal is always 1, but it usually works out closer to 14 months or something, depending on what we had going on. Yeah it is a hard week or so but much nicer in the end.
ReplyDeleteI too, like your mom, was an avid pacifier hater Yes, I know hate is a strong word and you should know it was a completely accurate description of my disgust. I refused to have a binkie baby. A refusal I made very early along with other attributes of childhood dependencies that I so vehemently detested as a teenager and even after my first child was born. He was and still is incredibly easy which, before I realized how blessed I was, left me quick to judge other mothers. However, during my evolution in motherhood and subsequent children not as easy as the first, I have learned that some things just simply aren't up to me. Case in point: Jillian. She is my second child and first girl. I experienced a difficult pregnancy and was on a plethora of medications. My labor was extremely long and hard which was a huge disappointment because I figured the least I deserved at that point was an easy delivery, and since I didn't get that either, could I at least have an easy baby? Nope. She cried and cried and cried. In the hospital, the nurses would bring her to me just 10 minutes after I would send her to the nursery(by number 2, you learn to take advantage of the last few moments of plausible sleep.) Each would say, "she won't calm down" or "she must be hungry" or "she wants mommy." All she was wanting to do was nurse, and with all the gorging came a LOT of spitting up. Once we were at home, she cried 21 hours each day, hours calculated on a non-magical, no-extra-hours-added-to-a-day, non wish-granting clock. Life could not continue like this. I made it, she made it, my beloved husband who had no idea what the heck to do made it to Day 5. On this day, while unpacking from the hospital, a tiny rubber and plastic composition of pink, blue, and yellow fell to the bed. It was a God send, an answered prayer, a shining mirror ball hanging from my ceiling sparking rays of light as a chorus sang. I can still remember the secluded discussion my husband and I had behind the closed doors of our bedroom during the few moments that followed. "Should we let her have it?"..."we said we never would."..."Jenn, something's gotta give." More like someone or, more accurately, two someones because this was a decision I refused to make on my own. So with heavy hearts and an increasing amount of self doubt (it was that big of a deal) we decided to give a child, one of OUR children, a pacifier. Honestly, at that point, the binkie was the alternative to a small room with padded walls and a nurse named Barb that dispensed medication according to her own clock. It was what came next that was harder than the decision itself. We had to announce the decision to the crowded rooms of family on the other side of our door. Afterall, no matter how much I love and adore my husband, I couldn't (he probably could...well, maybe he couldn't) stay in our bedroom forever.
ReplyDeleteMark's solution to my dreaded judgment was very matter of fact. "Jenn, just give her the thing and walk out. If anyone says anything, simply offer them to live in our shoes for the next 24 hours and see how long they last. We lasted 5 days and it was far from how I imagined Heaven." So in a nutshell, he was saying the last 3 days at home with a screaming, crying newborn have mirrored his assumption of Hell juxtaposed with 7 weary days and an equal amount of sleepless nights (remember my labor was long) if confronted, my often quiet and well-mannered husband would have told the offenders where they could have stuck a binkie of their own. We walked out of our room, Jillian held in our arms, the binkie displayed between her lips. A few eyebrows raised, a few opinions were noted, and thankfully even more support was given. We did have to explain ourselves to the glaring few, something else I always said I would never do as a parent, and often needed to remind one or two that she wouldn't go to kindergarten with it in her mouth. After which I would jokingly add, she would definitely need a new one before then. We later learned, when the crying wouldn't stop and the pacifier only abated the constant nursing long enough for me to shower, that the medications I was on during my pregnancy had caused her esophageal sphincter to be underdeveloped. A condition that would eventually correct itself, but would result in the worst imaginable kind of reflux until it did. A condition that required constant sucking to keep her stomach acid where it belonged. Medical evidence indicating the benefits of pacifier use aside, my best advice and my biggest epiphany as a mother, is to understand and accept that everything doesn't go according to plan. Sometimes, more often than not, precalculated situations are much different than we could ever imagine once we experience them firsthand. Preconceived choices have to be reconsidered and decisions realigned to accommodate the task at hand, the child in tow. And as mothers, we need to own those decisions and be able to hold our heads high and proclaim, "I am my child's mother and I made this decision." Maybe that is overkill and maybe a binkie was a simple decision, if a decision at all, for you to choose. For those of you that desperately contemplated or even pined over a list of pros and cons before plopping the paci in your baby’s mouth, you my friend, are not alone. Jillian was a binkie baby for a while, definitely longer than this non-binkie-supporting mommy would have preferred but not without a medical crutch. Since the reflux lasted until after she was 18 months old, we didn't begin the breaking process until she was nearly 2. The entire process took nearly 6 months and is not without many, many hysterical moments that will make your sides ache and perhaps, if you have had a few children of your own, even your pants a little wet.
ReplyDeleteI was happy to give my baby a pacifier. In fact, I brought one along with me to the hospital to give to him as soon as I could. He took it pretty well, however, I didn't always make it available. If he was crying and it was around, I would give it to him. And then when he was 7-8 weeks old he lost interest in it. Now he is seven months and he thinks it is a toy, he will only chew on it.
ReplyDeleteNote: I'm a dad.
ReplyDeleteWhen we had our first, we wanted to avoid the pacifier, and lucky for us the baby wasn't interested, even when she was having a hard time self-soothing.
Our second daughter, on the other hand, took to the binky right from the hospital, and she seemed to sleep so much better with it, that we didn't bother taking it away. As she got closer to age 2, though, we started telling her that when she turned 2, it was bye-bye binky, because "you'll be a big girl, and big girls don't have binkies." 2 was the hard cut-off.
Each night we would ask her if she was ready to give up the binky, knowing that her birthday meant going cold turkey. One night she told us she didn't want it and fell asleep. That night all of the binkies in the house magically disappeared. The next two weeks were rough, but they got less so as time went on. After two weeks, the crying was pretty minimal, and after about a month, there were no issues...and her teeth began straightening out. (Dentists must love pacifiers $$.)
I imagine we'll have a similar situation with girl #3.
Be strong moms...and dads. They won't remember how hard they cried for their absent plug.
I am a big fan of that binkie... or nukie as we call it at our house. I think that if it helps you, and soothes your baby, why not? I have 4 kids, and was very against the binkie with my first two, so instead, I became the human binkie... if you know what I mean. I think that habit was way harder to break than it has been to get the binkie away from my last two babies. I think that as a parent you have to do what is best for you and your children. If it works for you... then great. My baby is currently 2 1/2 and still sleeps with her nukie. I see nothing wrong with it. Like you said before, I have never seen a kid walking down the halls of an elementary school, or even preschool for that matter with a binkie in their mouth. The binkie fairy will be coming to our house soon.... that is how it disappears.... we will see how it goes this time around!!
ReplyDeleteI love binkies :) They are a life saver with my binkie boy and have saved me from lots of tears (my tears and his). I think that you are doing it right to have binkies in the bed only for now. And I don't think 2 years old is too old to break the habit. I think any time between 18 months - 2ish/2 1/2 is fine depending on the kid, circumstances and parents. But I too will do the binkies ONLY in the bed at a certain age. When did you change from whenever she wanted it - to only in bed? Jack is a BINKIE BOY and I know the transition might be a tricky one...but I still would have given it to him in the beginning.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, Ady: We only EVER did the pacifier in bed from the very beginning. I didn't want to try to break the habit twice, so we stuck with that from the get-go.
ReplyDelete