to lie to your kids? This one is a tough one for me. I am totally opposed to lying, but are there situations in which lying to your kids is okay? The following experiences happened over the past few weeks either to myself or to a friend of mine. You tell me, what would you have said?
#1) Son asks, "More cookie Momma?" Mom answers, "No, they're all gone." Technically, the cookies weren't all gone, but does it really matter? I personally, would have just said, "No, you can't have another cookie." But maybe with some kids they would rather not deal with the aftermath that may follow.
#2) Experiencing a little road rage and a bad word slips. Your kid asks, "What is ****?" You say, "There was a bump. It's called a pothole."
#3) Daughter asks, "Park today, Mommy?" Mom replies, "Maybe sweetheart. We'll see." Not technically a lie, but you know full well you don't have time today.
#4) Daughter says, "I need a knife, Mommy." Mom says, "No, you don't. Knives are dangerous." Daughter asks why. Mom says, "Because they are sharp and they can hurt you." Daughter asks why again. Mom says, "They are sharp so they can cut things." Daughter asks why yet again. Mom says, "Because sometimes we need to cut things and we can use a knife." Daughter replies, "Yeah, I need a knife, Mommy."
Okay, so this last one was my own experience and this feels like a daily occurrence for us. I love that she asks why, but my initial 3 or 4 answers are never enough. Is it okay to just say, "Because Mommy said so?" That, to me, even seems like a lie. I find myself feeling guilty if I don't answer all of her questions as honestly as possible or if I just give her an answer that will just get her to stop asking. So when is it right, if ever, to be dishonest with your kids? And is lying to your kids being 'dishonest' or is it just giving them the information they need?
I guess it depends on the comprehension level of the child.
ReplyDeleteFor myself, even if I don't want to deal with an immediate tantrum (e.g. you cannot have another cookie = apocalyptic meltdown), if the situation is honestly dealt with at that moment in time there may be less of a headache in the future. The culmination of "easy-way-out" anecdotes may catch up with you and by dealing with it immediately, you set boundaries for your child, even if they don't like or understand them, they will most likely respect them with consistency (only one cookie before dinner, not two, so don't ask for another).
It has worked for me in the past, but it's not tried and true fail-proof, but it is one possible solution.
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