Before I get in to this week's post, I want to tell you a little bit about the other contributors participating in this blog:
First you heard from Brandi. She is such a great mom. Brandi and I met while we were living in Lincoln, Nebraska. Our husbands were attending grad school there. I think there is just a special bond you create with your friends while you are students living far away from 'home'. Lincoln really became home for me because it was a fresh start for C and I in a place where we had no previous ties. We made some of the most incredible friends of our lives and I am so glad Brandi and her family was apart of that time.
Next you heard from Jenn, who I knew growing up as Jennifer. Our families lived in the hills of Oklahoma (yes, there are hills in Oklahoma). After several years, we have both now settled in the Phoenix, Arizona area. It is always great to be reacquainted with old friends. She is now an amazing mother of 3 and has such creative ideas to keep her kiddos busy and happy.
Just yesterday, the contributor was Annika. Bottom line - Annika is my idol. She is my sister-in-law married to my older brother. She has 3 beautiful girls who are so sweet and fun, her food storage is completely finished, and her house is spotless. She makes freezer jam, homemade wheat bread, tutors kids in the neighborhood, and still manages to run every day. Okay, so pretty much she is Super mom.
I am so excited these women are a part of this and I am grateful for everything they have contributed and will continue to contribute. On Wednesday this week, I am going to Girls Camp for 4 days. Please stay tuned... you will hear from Brandi, Jenn, and Annika this week, but you will also be seeing a few additional 'special contributors' while I am away.
The title of today's blog is 'The Big 3-0". I am turning 30 this year. This has been on my mind lately. I've heard the health risks of having babies after 35, but I think I might find myself in that situation at this rate. I have a 20 month old and no urgent plans for another any time soon. I want to hear from you.
How old is too old? Should you rush in to having another baby before you're 'ready' because of age?
Don't get me wrong, I definitely want Sara to have some little buddies to grow up with, but I am enjoying so much the time we spend together, just the 2 of us. I'm really in no hurry, but at the same time... the longer I wait, the older I get. Is it harder for first time moms to decide to have a second then it is for moms with 2 or 3 to feel ready for more?
Okay, I will try to make this as coherent as possible. I don't, DO NOT, fear having children later in life. I started young, my first was born 3 months before my 20th birthday, and I like them spaced out so that I can enjoy those sweet, fragile years. There are nearly 6 years between my first and second and nearly 4 years between 2 and 3. We want to have 2 more with at least nearly 4 years between each. I will be 33-34 with #4 and 37-39 with #5. This does not scare me, though I have often considered the possibilities if something, anything, doesn't go according to MY plan. However, I know my Heavenly Father has a great, a simply magnificent, plan for me better than any scenerios I could conjure. Medical technology is considerably advanced especially pertaining to neonatal and maternal care, but aside from that I know that whatever comes my way I will be given the strength and support to be great long before greatness is expected of me.
ReplyDeleteMy mom had her last baby at 38, and everything was fine. She even did it natural, which she didn't with all her other deliveries. She said she would've had more but she could tell she was getting older and tired. I think the main thing with this subject is just to do what you need to do for yourself and your children, and all will work out. There is a 20 month space between my 1st 2 and a 19 month space between my 2nd 2. But it was because I was ready and Wanted another baby. I love the newborn stage. And have been lucky enough to have calm babies, I am sure I would've felt otherwise if I had a colicky baby. But I am thinking there will be a little wider gap between the next 2 as much as I know I will want another baby, I am starting to really feel like I am getting my hands too full, I need to take a break and enjoy the kids I have.
ReplyDeleteI was 20 almost 21 with my first. It was the hardest delivery. #4 was the easiest delivery, but the hardest pregnancy. I'm 25 & had a really hard pregnancy... lots of aches & pains. I can't imagine being pregnant in my late 30's. I don't think my body would cooperate. I noticed each pregnancy got a little bit harder. For me, my body doesn't do well on birth control. I feel like it's ok to let Heavenly Father choose when there's another spirit ready to join our family. My calling is to be a mother, not to be selfish about when I do & do not want another baby. That is for me & no one else; I don't judge those who don't think the same way. I love the spiritual experiences I have when I KNOW there's another spirit waiting to come to our little family!
ReplyDeleteOne month after my husband and I were married, I had an experience that left me with the knowledge that we had daughter waiting to be born into our family. But also with that knowledge came the strong impression that she was not quite ready to make her appearance.
ReplyDeleteFast forward five years to the present. We will be expecting our daughter in 2 1/2 months, just a couple of weeks before my 30th birthday. The point, regardless how long you wait, as long as you are in tune with the creative forces around you (be it God, a higher power, Buddha, whatever), you will know when to invite another spirit into your family.
Yes, it is true that as we age our bodies become less efficient in cell division and in naturally expelling those cells that are damaged. It is important to be cognizant of this fact, especially when deciding to have a child beyond the age of 35 where the chances of pre-mature birth, down syndrome, and other mentally and physically disabling diseases are more likely to develop. Knowledge is power, ignorance is dis-empowerment.
With that said, if you are 37 and receive the distinct impression that you have spirit waiting to be born into your family, then you follow the impression. If the child is born with a physical or mental impairment, at least you know with a surety that that spirit was ready to come regardless of the consequences it would face in mortality.
The choice is an individual one. Be in tune with yourself, educate yourself, and when you've done your part, leave the rest in the hands of that higher power.
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I think that you need to be ready in order to have the strength and love to take care of a little one. It is a lot of work and if you aren't ready it is harder (still doable...but harder) to get the job done with a smile on your face. So whenever the case, whether you pray for the desire or whatever, make sure you are ready.
ReplyDeleteAnother thing to think about...is Sara and other kids. How far apart do you want your kids to be? My siblings were all 2 years apart and I LOVED it. You had someone close enough in age above and below you to pal around with or to have for help if you were in need. If you have your kids TOO far apart it is harder for them to have a close relationship. Not that it can't be done, but you have less in common and it is harder.
One of my best friends is about a year apart from her younger sister and they were so close in age that it was a huge competition for friends, boys, sports...everything. They didn't get along very well growing up because they were too close in age and she said that if they would have been further apart she knows they would have been better friends growing up.
Adam is 4 years older than his next sibling and the 3 below him are all about 2 years apart. It wasn't until he got home from him mission that he said he got along with them. He says that they were always in too different of stages to really "connect" and he wishes that they would have been closer in age so he had close siblings growing up.
So just consider that too when you are deciding. Waiting is ok...because I do think that you have the right to choose. But I think you have to take into consideration the effect waiting/not waiting will have on your kids in the long run.