So let's pretend it's Wednesday, because that's what day this post is actually for. It's almost 9:30 on Tuesday night and I've stayed up as late as possible. I am leaving for Girls Camp in the morning, which is why I am writing this early.
Going to Girls Camp is one of my all time favorite things to do. It has been, count them, 12 years since I have been to Girls Camp. Camping in Oklahoma is always an interesting experience. I don't know why it seems that every year during Girls Camp, a tornado occurs. To take shelter from a tornado at Girls Camp, you either ran your little fanny to the lodge where we ate or climbed underneath your tent. Our tents were big wooden platforms with giant tarps hanging over them and an infestation of daddy long legs. What is girls camp without a few flash flood warnings and your sleeping bag covered in daddy long legs? Apparently, the Girls Camp I am going to sounds more like the camp Sharon and Susan attended in the "Parent Trap". Log cabins, toilets, showers, ice cream. Regardless of what kind of camping it is, I am excited.
A few weeks ago I had a minor melt down. I decided to participate in a local fund raiser by purchasing a 90 day pass to the local gym for $20 as opposed to the $40 a month they wanted to charge me. I opted to do this instead of investing in the full contract because I wanted to see if I would actually use the gym pass. Past experience shows that just because I hold a gym membership doesn't necessarily mean I go to the gym.
I had actually been going every day for about 2 weeks and I loved it! Sara would scream and cry every time I dropped her off at the Kidzone, but I knew she would get used to it... eventually. This one particular day, Sara and I arrived at the gym. I had to speak with one of the employees to sign Sara up for a membership to the Kidzone because all of my free passes were gone. I don't know what was going on in that boy's head, but it was anything but clear. He tried to explain the different memberships I could get, but I didn't understand what he was talking about. Without going in to too much detail, I asked 2 separate times if I could speak to someone else who did know about the Kidzone and could actually answer my questions. Needless to say, I left extremely frustrated. He said I could take Sara to the Kidzone for free that day and speak to the manager after my work-out.
I go to take Sara in to the Kidzone and she starts screaming hysterically. I'm not talking like, "Momma don't leave me" screams. I mean the, "I'm dying, please save me" kind of scream. Her arms were stretched out, tears streaming down her face and I walked away knowing that it was good for her. Good for her? Really? I walked out towards the gym and saw my friend, Marie. Thank goodness she was there because I burst in to tears and said, "I'm a bad mom." She hugged me and explained that she would be okay and that I'm not a bad mom. I pulled myself together and took out my frustration in an amazing combat class.
The rest of the day didn't get much better. I had to remind myself that it is okay for me to do things like going to the gym every once in a while and that Sara will get used to it, but I kept feeling selfish for leaving her like that to do something I wanted to do. Not even something I needed to do. Or is it? So this is my question for all you experienced mothers out there who have been through this before...
Is it okay to do things you WANT to do? Will the separation anxiety end? What can I do to remind myself that it's good for both of us?
So as I am leaving tomorrow for Girls Camp, I know it will be just as difficult for me as it is for her. She needs me and I need her. But thanks to some really great friends, I know she will be in good hands. I just hope it's easier to leave next time when I go on that cruise around the world I've been planning! :)
first off, Yuck daddy long legs all over, gives me the shivers just thinking about it. And a tornado right in the middle of girls camp, that sounds scary! My girls camp was in Utah. We did the tent thing, and sure there were occasional spiders and rain storms, but that sounds like nothing compared to what you had.
ReplyDelete2nd the separation thing. You are not a bad mom for going to the gym. In fact I am jealous, I want to be a gym member but the budget hasn't allowed for it, especially when you tack on the kidcare. So I would ride our exercise bike or do dvd's, and the girls would be talking to me all the time or wanting me to do something with them, but I would keep saying things like don't talk to me when I am exercising! Or I am almost done! Because you know it's hard to talk and exercise, at least for me. And I would feel bad because I was doing that instead of engaging with them, but I wanted to get my body somewhat back after having 3 kids.
Anyway I do think you are allowed some You time during the day, however I know I feel like i spend a little too much me time, one thing I think I need to work on.
OK, so I don't have children yet (give me 4 months), however, I am currently getting my masters degree in Early Childhood Education from the University of Utah. And I have worked A LOT with young children, so I hope my opinion still counts. :)
ReplyDelete- According to Attachment Theory (which I LOVE) children go through different phases of attachment. Karen, right now Sara is in the "Intense Attachment and Active Proximity-Seeking" phase (usually lasts from 6 months to 3 years). So yes, I believe the Separation Anxiety will eventually go away. You're not a bad mom! It is just a developmental phase children go through. She is wanting to use you as her "secure base" because she trusts you as her mom and that's why she cries when you're gone. I would just always tell her that you will be coming back to get her (even if she doesn't understand what that means yet).
Have fun at girls camp!!!
I had a harder time when it was just Sydney and I would have to leave her(which was not often cause I do not have much of a life of my own) oh well. Then it just got easier. Now with two I am excited even if I get to go to walmart alone. Its just easier to run in and out with no car seats, ect to deal with. I still miss them when I am gone but then it makes coming back to them more fun. London HATED the gym when we first started going. Now she is ok when I leave and if she does cry its maybe for a min or so. My problem is not leaving them for a little while its who i leave them with. I never think anyone is going to do as good of a job as me. Sounds mean or very confident I guess but i am good and I have a system and the girls are used to it and like it. anyhoo i am rambling. I think a mom that gets a way once in a while is a better mom. If we do not get those breaks then we go CRAZY!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't have the MOMMY experience on this one...but I have the other side experience. In nursery or as a kindergarten teacher when parents would linger around and try to console their children who were upset when they knew they were about to be abandoned...IT MADE IT WORSE!!! You are being a GREAT mom by leaving her behind and walking away quickly. She will get use to it. It will make her a stronger, more independent little girl who can stand on her own two feet one day and be confident. The parents who would linger made their children dependent on them. They never - or had a harder time - gaining their own sense of self and they relied on peers once mom was gone because they never learned to be their own individual self. It is GOOD to leave her every once in a while...especially to do something for yourself that you enjoy and you know she is somewhere fun and safe. She will be better for it. Keep going and she will get better and better.
ReplyDeleteLet the workers know some tips to calm her down - tell them she will stop if they work with you - thank them TONS when you pick her up for not coming to get you the second she wouldn't stop - and if it is the same people bring them a treat for helping with the situation so they are more willing to "help" instead of run to get you so they don't have to deal with it.
GOOD LUCK!!!